“I believe that when you come face-to-face with your mortality — whether you’re meditating or not, whether you’re calm or not — you’re actually practicing the Buddha’s core teaching. Now that we’re putting on masks and gloves and standing six feet apart, our fear of death is constantly activated. But these consistent reminders that we are subject to impermanence can serve as helpful reminders to practice Buddhism as the Buddha did—by facing our fears of old age, sickness, and death with courage and the desire to alleviate our suffering and the suffering of others.” ~ Lewis Richmond [1]
Over the two years of the pandemic ‘ageing’ [2] and ‘preparing for the end of life’ have become central to my investigation. The starting premise — plainly put in the first of the Buddha’s Five Remembrances — reminds us that, “I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.”[3]
It feels as if Old Age crept up while I wasn’t paying attention. One moment I turned 40 (the Big-Four-O), then 50 (which I avoided), then 70 (not sure what happened to 60), and today 78½. There’s arthritis in the left shoulder and right hand, implanted wire mesh near the heart, memories of a lumbar discectomy, and a blood infection (sepsis) that almost killed me a year ago.
Each day reveals new losses, all intimate and uninvited: libido, physical flexibility, and short-term memory to name but three. And yet, and yet . . . I find myself in another phase of discovery: becoming more accepting of imperfections, more forgiving of my own and others’ peculiarities, a little less judgmental, and more open-minded to everyday weirdness. A spiritual awakening, perhaps?
Trust a poet to know —
Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt—marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.
~Antonio Machado [4]
♥
Here’s a question for you, “How do you experience growing old?”
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[image] Borrowed from the Internet with source unknown. [1] Richmond, L. (2021, Oct 21). “Aging is reality”. Tricycle Magazine. Richmond also wrote Aging as a Spiritual Practice. (2021). [2] The Canadian spelling of aging is ageing. [3] The Five Remembrances [4] The second of four stanzas.
Peter, with the first week of being 70 now under my belt, I find your “growing” old observations to nailed it. Thanks for the company and inspiration.
Happy New Year, Graham. With years in decreasing supply, we’d be wise to measure life in days and hours. 🙏🏻
My 93 year old Mom experiences her aging with a wonderful mixture of Denial: (I found ancient bikinis while helping her clean out a cupboard. I suggested throwing them away. She refused. “Why not?” I asked. She instantly responded “I might want to go swimming!” ). Self- Delusion: (“I just don’t understand why I am tired…I have SO many things that I need to do) and Grudging Acceptance “it looks like the end of the world is coming…I suppose I might not be around by then”
She lives alone in the 4 bedroom house that my Dad built in 1960. They collected antiques for many, many years and nothing has ever left that house.
I look up my Moms address on Google maps and on Street view, there she is sitting outside on the lawn in a deck chair with her feet up having a cup of tea. No more words required
I know it is a long way from the Buddhist teaching, but I am ok following in her footsteps
I have experienced growing old through the loss of others and the grief that follows. Becoming aware of my own aging through loved ones passings was a serious invasion into my conscience mind and heart that hadn’t existed before. The concept of my own mortality never considered before now suddenly a huge part of my thoughts. A giant reminder looming with all kinds of fearful “what ifs” with it. Suddenly and overnight I experiened aging with fear and concern that I will be alone when I am old.
The gift in grief and death and it’s permanent residency in my now conscience mind and heart is I have been given time to be kind and gentle with myself and my inevitable aging. Well hopefully.
I am reminded almost daily that we live in a culture that fears death and aging and suffers greatly from ageism where the elderly are viewed as almost invisible.
I hope I learn to grow older without all the fears that grief and death have brought to me so suddenly. To give loving kindness to accept that I/we are still doing the best I/we can and that is enough.
Ahhh… Venerable Daishin, still totally alive, no matter how the surface looks! Much love for giving so much life to this life! Let us have a screen to screen meeting soon. Hogen