A question worth asking; especially when doubt is its messenger. Zen teachers tell us that everything needed to see our True Nature is right in front of us. “The human psyche,” writes James Hollis, a Jungian psychotherapist, “continues to ask us to grow, to develop, to explore, to be curious. Boredom is the pathology of the depressed, or the unimaginative. … There is so much more to learn [in the second half of life], to experience, to develop in our talents, curiosity, and explorations” (p. 90).
The same old enemies hold us back, he continues, fear among them. Years ago, during my first year of monastic training, a teacher gave me a life koan, What am I afraid of?”
What am I afraid of? Why won’t I slow down, for instance, and say No more often? Could it be that I’m afraid that I’ll die — that “I” won’t matter any longer? Not stop breathing, but dying to something. And what might that be? Could it be that I’m so immersed in ‘being of service’ that in not serving to the max I’d be breaking the Bodhisattva Vow to “save all sentient beings”? Or that its interpretation needs to be refreshed in light of ever-changing circumstance?
“The second half of life,” Hollis says, “is the summons to the life of the spirit, namely, to ask, and answer for ourselves, uniquely, separately, what matters most. When we resist the many deaths asked of us, we resist the summons into larger life” (p. 92).
James Hollis, J. (2009). What matters most: Living a more considered life. Gotham Books. Image: Wanderer above the sea of mist by Caspar-David-Friedrich (1774-1840.
Thank you, Peter. Certainly a question all of us should ask, regardless of where we are in life.
Metta to you on this rare day.
These questions resonate with me also, Peter — in the third quarter (let alone the second half) of my life. What does matter most? And what fears hide in the shadows? I’ve found so much to think about in that sweet, courageous little book you lent me, “Tuesdays with Morrie.” Even in Morrie’s last few weeks, he shares with Mitch much wisdom and insight into his own fears and losses. On the Sixth Tuesday they talk about emotions.
Morrie tells Mitch —
“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.” (P. 104)
Mitch Albom (1997), Tuesdays With Morrie: an old man, a young man, and life’s greatest lessons. Doubleday.
I am learning to slow down with the help of your Guided Meditations. I’m very grateful to you Peter. I hope we cross paths soon. Kind regards, Solange