“Don’t expect applause, don’t expect scorn, don’t expect anything except the unexpected, because that is always what happens, even when you expected it” writes Zen teacher Norman Fischer. “If you look a bit more closely, what happens is not what you expected. It’s always something else” (p. 146).
That truth is sinking in.
For most of life I’ve been ruled by Be prepared to fail, Don’t expect success, and Be ready to be scolded. Like the boy scout I never was, at least I was prepared for the worst. While protecting a fragile “me,” these rules kept me from enjoying the absence of turmoil and kindness of others. Distrusting praise and affection, the “small self” pushed people away, left town in a hurry, did anything but face the unknown.
Gradually, that’s changing.
I’m learning to curtail automatic judgments in favour of seeing things for what they are. If, as happens frequently in my current work, someone expresses gratitude for something I have said or done, I’m able to receive it as a heartfelt gift, thus skirting the ego altogether. This allows me to hear others “applauding life … applauding goodness … applauding their own lives … applauding the human capacity to appreciate something wonderful” (Fischer, p. 146).
Norman Fischer. (2013). Training in compassion. Boston: Shambhala.
Leave A Comment