Interment of ashes, 11 January 24
Our older brother Gerhard died on Christmas Eve following a three-year slide into dementia-land. The loss of a loved one is meant to turn our world inside out, cracking open the heart’s protective shield “to let the light come in”. [1] Perhaps you know what that’s like.
♥
Common wisdom holds that we each grieve in our own fashion and that the process takes as long as it takes. I, for one, am still waiting to weep. During the first seven days I felt thrown off balance, unsure of what had just happened. By the seventh day, a sense of regret arose: “I wish I’d been a better brother to you, more welcoming of your peculiarities, less self-absorbed to love you as you were”.
♥
Sitting still in meditation . . . becoming breath after breath . . . entering the heart’s orbit . . . gradually, as if coming up for air toward the soft light of my brother’s voice: “This is my gift to you: Trust your true nature, it is your home.”
♥
“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”
Jalāl al-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī, Sufi mystic, 1207-1273 [2]
.
[1] Line from Anthem by Leonard Cohen (1934-2016): “Ring the bells that still can ring / Forget your perfect offering / There is a crack, a crack in everything / That’s how the light gets in” [2] A verse widely attributed to Rumi; I’ve been unable to find a published source.
Grief…a doozy and yet, so full of beauty.
I have experienced what is known as complicated grief. From this side it occured when the individual with whom I had unresolved relationships issues was also someone who had extreme health issues I wasn’t afforded a loving goodbye or any goodbye for that matter. Outside of suffering physical or mental abuse, always take care of loved ones, forget your ego I have learned that immutably. Sadly, I had suffered emotional and physical abuse and although I tried to move beyond it their treatment of me subsisted right until their dying day. I have no memories of that person ever showing me any love or kindness. The grieving of the lost relationship is worse than the loss of the individual themselves I try not to dwell in those dark memories and challenge them for lighter fare for my own self care. Thus complicated grief.
Where the Light Enters You—
broken window
Sunlight
Light shines through
It was sunset
What colors
I am this window
You,
the light
We are the brokenness
Illuminated.
The beauty
is all of us
This window,
the brokenness,
and the light
is all us.
We all broken
Frac tured
shat tered
Somewhere in us
there is
a healing
The Nur comes
from beyond
God is the Light.
The One
who gave me the wounds
gives the healing
We are
Wounded healers
Illuminated brokenness
Poets and sages tell us:
The Wound is where the Light enters you.
I look at my own heart
and see scars
scars piled on scars
So many deaths
and yet,
life–
Stubborn
clings to me.
Some see the injury,
the pain
the hurt.
I caress the scar
gently.
This is where the healing
and the light
entered me.
The scars tell me
I lived through it all
and grew.
I survived.
Even thrived.
The wound
the injury
and the healing
are now all a part of me.
I pause now
at all the broken windows
O wonder!
the broken window
of my heart
this scattered light
How beautiful each of us
the broken
the unbroken
the healing
the light
The survival.
“Caressing the scar gently” and listen to what it has to teach. Thank you Ali.
Rumi, Gibran, Leonard Cohen…all the great poet-seers sing to me. Sometimes I just forget to listen.
Deepest sympathies Peter on the loss of your brother. May his beautiful memory be a blessing and guide you.
A profound shock to the whole system when a loved one dies, can bounce us into unknown territory helps if you’ve been there before. .baby steps, patience, quiet time, find the comforting things you can enjoy
i heard that expression above was from L Cohen but sometimes sources are mistaken so?
Indeed by Leonard Cohen from an album released in 1992.
https://www.google.com/search?q=Anthem%2C+cohen&oq=Anthem%2C+cohen&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQLhiABDIHCAIQABiABDIHCAMQABiABDIHCAQQABiABDIICAUQABgWGB4yCAgGEAAYFhgeMgoIBxAAGA8YFhgeMggICBAAGBYYHtIBCDYzNTFqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#wptab=si:AKbGX_rdaVK-rhf5KHnOAD2drrRmADv7R3TkES869sRtvhJtAOFIxRuJ9oGiG6TvSdbxEwhUvfYtCPGuV5TYe1kXQ97ym_IPF3-5l6DAbkOi_g3odge3EoBolrzjgNpuqDWEqXwx-IIdH_-GijsromtqZGktSeyiWMntV4vjosAUAdMe1OFGMbQ%3D
So sorry to hear about Gerhard, Peter.
May he be at peace – and may you be at peace as well.