This project called ‘living as a human‘ just became more complicated. Blood cancer is the preliminary diagnosis, not clear which kind or what degree of severity. Maybe it‘s the novelty of last night‘s phone call informing me of test results and suggesting I go to Emergency over the weekend or contact hematologist first thing Monday morning: I feel weirdly at ease. My feet on virgin terrain, guided by vague sign posts that read: Still-stunned, Poor-me suffering, and Seing things for what they are. How deep does „not knowing“ reach? How much can I tolerate before depression sets in?
Just then the dog barks at the door: Daniel, pâtissier from around the corner, bearing huge smile, ca vas?, croissants and cappuccino. A moment’s respite. Thank you.
℘
I hesitate to share too much of what may be upsetting reading. My motivation in offering glimpses into my lived experience has always been to invite reflection — on living, dying, and places in between — and to situate the conversation at the core of our spiritual awakening.
Ages ago I heard a sociologist talk about the “wounded storyteller.” Over the next 30+ years his book sat on my shelves, waiting for today.
“I hope to shift the dominant cultural conceptions of illness away from passivity — the ill person as ‘victim of’ disease and then recipient of care — towards activity. The ill person who turns illness into a story transforms fate into experience; the disease that sets the body apart from others becomes, in the story, the common bond of suffering that joins bodies in their shared vulnerability.” (Arthur W. Franks, The wounded storyteller: body, illness and ethics. 1995, p. xi)
Welcome aboard.
image: Blood cancers. ©Terry Fox Research Institute, tfri.ca
Your bravery is inspiring to say the least. I pray these tribulations strenghten your resolve to fight. You are in my prayers for healthy recover, for peace and tranquility always. Sending my love.
“What Cancer Cannot Do”
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit”
– Author Unknown
I am so sorry, Peter. I enjoy your blog and have done so for a long time. Although you do not know me, I want to offer any help I can. I am a walker, so I offer dog walking. Or I can drive you to appointments. Let me know if I can be of assistance. Blessings, Sandi Austin
Peter, how similar our life experiences are. I just returned from a 2 month visit to Australia in which I became frightened by my state of health and had to get a earlier flight back to Victoria suffering from an ulcer and a bleed that left me week in pain and u k owing of the results I would find. I was hospitalized and am now recuperating slowly 3 weeks later. So now I read your blog and know that pain and grief and loss and suffering. We’d to be shared, mess to be expressed and need to be absorbed. I also need to force myself into group contact as I have avoided such due to fears of my weakened immune system and my rampant fears of the corona virus. I shall try to enroll in this next new class as I can not think of anyone else better to help me with the acceptance needed.
My greatest compassion. I know, somewhat, the suffering. May we be at peace. 🙏
Blessings for this intimacy, dear Peter. It is a compassionate service to fellow travellers. The sharing makes our own paths in similar circumstances seem wider, not so lonely, our burdens lightened. May you find joy! This is a heart opening experience for me.
Blessings for this intimacy, dear Peter. It is a compassionate service to fellow travellers. The sharing makes our own paths in similar circumstances seem wider, not so lonely, our burdens lightened. May you find joy! This is a heart opening experience for me.
Loving you every day, Tante. Whatever comes, you are surrounded by loving hearts — lifting you up from near and far. 💜
Peter
You are an inspiration!
Sending you love🧡🧡
“How deep does “not knowing” reach?”
Breathe deep, deep, deeper.
Breathe in presence and blessing and love.
Sorry to hear about your preliminary diagnosis in todays posting Peter. I appreciate that you’re able to share glimpses into these life experiences. The links, images & general communicating can be very helpful and educational to readers/friends/colleagues. I appreciate that you provide such insights. Looking forward to more excerpts from the book that’s been with you all these years. I’ve been trying to locate one of mine for about as long. Daniel sure showed up at the right time bearing delicious treats. Will be keeping you in my thoughts between posts.
Lana
Loving thoughts are with you Peter!
My dear friend, life is a drama and here you are in the middle of one. It will be harder to focus on the breath, but that is all we can ever do. May you be free of pain and sorrow. May you be at peace.
Sending so much love dear Friend. Xoxo Val❤
Peter, how similar our life experiences are. I just returned from a 2 month visit to Australia in which I became frightened by my state of health and had to get a earlier flight back to Victoria suffering from an ulcer and a bleed that left me week in pain and u k owing of the results I would find. I was hospitalized and am now recuperating slowly 3 weeks later. So now I read your blog and know that pain and grief and loss and suffering. We’d to be shared, mess to be expressed and need to be absorbed. I also need to force myself into group contact as I have avoided such due to fears of my weakened immune system and my rampant fears of the corona virus. I shall try to enroll in this next new class as I can not think of anyone else better to help me with the acceptance needed.
La vie est belle est compliquée!
Sending you healing energy and giving thanks for all your service.
Dear Peter … Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this. That was the territory I was in when we met and you gave me some of the first key tools to help me deal with the journey. I am so grateful to you for that gift! I am sending love and visualizing your health and well-being. And will keep you in my heart and mind.
Dear Peter: It took me a few days to absorb the news and react. Sending you lots of positive karmic vibes. Don’t know if I had said this to you before Peter: you conduct the best meditation sessions. The energy you send out is so caring, compassionate, soothing, and healing. I hope you can use that great quality and goodness on yourself. Fight this Brave Kind Warrior and get well real soon! All the Very Best! xoxo
Dear Peter: Sending you lots & lots & tons of positive vibes! Fight and heal Dear Brave Warrior! You give so much healing when leading meditation sessions. Get well quickly! xoxo
Hi Peter.
Nancy has kept me informed over all these years which I’ve appreciated greatly.
Now it’s tine for me to reconnect and send love.
Know that I’m thinking of you and our times together on Galiano. Such food!
Steady on.
Annie