if only life were otherwise

Insights can arise unexpectedly in the midst of the most ordinary activities. The other day we were chatting when the conversation drifted towards my neighbours across the back yard fence. They do get on my nerves sometimes, I complained, especially on weekends: playing music too loud, laughing and calling to each other, generally annoying me. No, I don’t know who they are (renters probably, because they come and go). Maybe that’s the price of living in the city, I muttered. Maybe I should slip them a note or talk to them, not sure what to do. So I slam the back door and go inside when, really, I’d rather sit outside, enjoying the sounds of nature. Bla bla.

“Is it ok for you to become annoyed?”

my friend asked. Instead of joining me in ranting about ‘those people’ or in figuring ways of altering their inconsiderate behaviour, she essentially said, Can you welcome your unhappiness with what-is?

Frank Ostaseski* writes,

“Welcoming what is, as it is, we move towards reality. We may not like or agree with all that we encounter. However, when we argue with reality, we lose every time. We waste our energy and exhaust ourselves with the insistence that life be otherwise. . . . Acceptance is not resignation. It is an opening to possibility. And openness is the basis for skilful response to life.”

In accepting reactivity as part of my nature, I sense a shift from Out There to In Here. The instant my heart feels heard, it opens to tolerance and kindness, welcoming everything that may seem imperfect at a given time.

“We tend to protect ourselves from the experiences and situations we don’t like,” Frank concludes. “But there is a sense of liberation and confidence that gets built up within us when we do the opposite, when we [welcome everything and] push away nothing.”

Image: “The Ancient Wrasse”, a detail from the frontispiece to The Aquarium (1856, 2nd edition), in the public domain.
Ostaseski, F. (2017). The five invitations: Discovering what death can teach us about living fully. Flatiron Books, pp. 82-3.