As part of my preparation for dying (see previous post) I’ve begun to reflect on times when I may have caused suffering to others. Not a difficult undertaking it turns out: the heart remembers!
Sins, in the religious practice of my childhood, had to be confessed to a priest; he in turn forgave them in god’s name, told us to recite certain prayers, and sent us off to ‘sin’ again (as children would).
In Buddhist practice we’re called to take personal responsibility for our unskillful acts by acknowledging them, apologizing to others, making restitution if necessary, and resolving to learn from the experience.
Early each morning during a monastic Zen retreat, practitioners chant the ancient lines of the Gatha of Atonement: “All [harmful] karma ever committed by me since of old / Because of my beginningless greed, anger, and ignorance / Born of my body, mouth, and thought / Now I atone for it all.
“Greed, anger, and ignorance are called the three poisons,” writes Zen teacher Daido Loori Roshi. “They are the basis of [harmful] karma. Transformed, they become the three virtues: compassion, wisdom, and enlightenment. These qualities are the basis of good karma; they describe a way of being in harmony with the nature of all things.”
I’ve already sent one letter by post, not email. In it I briefly named my wrongdoing and apologized unequivocally. I did not ask for forgiveness, nor a reply. I’m experiencing this as a solemn practice of loving-kindness, an expression of goodwill towards the recipient – and myself.
May all beings be free from suffering.
Peter dear, I cannot help but think that living in “just this breath”, right here and now and going forward with compassion, wisdom, enlightenment, as guiding lights, is all that is expected of anyone. Be kind to yourself and the rest will follow naturally.
Peter, I forgive you for EVERYTHING! Arnie