Those were my Zen teacher’s parting words and to keep me from going for easy answers, he warned that “everything“ or “nothing“ wouldn’t do. What he’d done was to give me a koan, a contemplative bone to chew on (and it on me).
Koans are meant to penetrate our consciousness to act as around-the-clock cues to sharpen our awareness. We’re to let them wash over and through us, take them to heart and let them go, breathe them in and breathe them out.
What we’re not to do, however much the conditioned mind might want to, is to settle for any obvious or linear solution to the puzzle. The last time I worked on a koan, the teacher didn’t let up until I’d demonstrated my understanding to his approval. “Don’t tell me what you think, show me!” he’d demand.
“Do not try to fathom with your mind
the unfathomable problem of life and death
nor explain it with words.”
~ Japanese Zen master Dogen Zenji (1200-1253)*
So, what about that question? I’m pretty sure that its purpose is to lead me beyond what I’m doing already: giving away money and possessions, volunteering skills and energy, living ethically and practicing kindness. Giving, to me, is as much an act as a way of being. Some gifts yield a tax deductions, other go unnoticed. Dogen** again:
“To leave flowers to the wind,
to leave birds to the seasons,
are also acts of giving.”
Could giving be felt as meddling or interfering? Could it embarrass the recipient? Why am I giving? What’s in it for me? What is given, really? Ever more questions to keep me from falling asleep at the wheel.
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* “The house of Buddha.” In: Takahashi, M. (1983). The essence of Dogen. Nobuoka, Y. (trans). Kegan Paul International.
** “Billowing leaf.” In: Tanahashi, K. (1985) (ed.). Moon in a dew drop. Northpoint Press.
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