“You’re not an improvement project,” my Zen teacher told me years ago. Learn to welcome yourself as you are, is how I understood his advice. This is what you are, in this moment, in this place. What has gone before, is gone. What might come tomorrow, nobody knows. The only thing that matters are your intentions — your thoughts, words, and actions to do no harm and to be of service.
Makes sense, non? Then why am I still thrown by what others say about me. What are these ingrained beliefs, about who I ought to be, how I should talk, what would make me a person worth loving? Why does this Inner Critic continue to have such power? I’ve been spending less and less energy trying to answer such questions as they invariably lead to past events, to blaming people long ago, to old stories.
With my teacher’s encouragement, I’m learning to acknowledge whatever foibles, shortcomings, flaws, blemishes, faults, defects, infirmities, inadequacies, quirks, mannerisms, and limitations might pop up from time to time … and to take them for what they are, mere labels that come and go.
“There is humility, honesty, and compassion in the capacity to allow our fallibility and frailty as human, sentient beings,” writes Rob Preece. “To try to be otherwise can be seen as embracing a kind of false self that is a denial of our fallibility. This compassion allows us to be who we are without destructive judgments and self-criticism. … If we can live openly and honestly, we can relax and be more present.”
Preece, R. (2009). The wisdom of imperfection: The challenge of individuation in Buddhist life. Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion Publ. Preece trained in then Tibetan tradition and works as psychotherapist and teaches comparative Jungian and Buddhist psychology. image credit.
Peter, yes, it’s amazing how we attach to the pre-supposed beliefs of others, and our own as well. All passing, all delusion. Good reminder from your teacher to welcome it all and let it all go.