While doing some exploratory gardening (finally a sunny day!), a neighbour came to chat across the fence. Our previous conversations had been en passant, typically about how-are-you, the weather, and such. Quizzing me about my work in cancer care, she remarked, “That’s what you’re good at. I can tell.” Her words touched my heart at the same place where compassion resides. Yes, this is what I do, this is what I’m good at, this is what nourishes me. And what might “this” be?
I find my/self moving towards a kind of service to self and others that’s guided by what Parker J. Palmer describes as “no fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight” (p. 115). I find myself at ease with “not knowing” in the presence of another’s pain and suffering. I note an increasing ability to “just be” and bring full attention to what’s being said and what might remain unsaid.
To paraphrase Palmer, as my listening becomes more open, and others begins to trust that they’re being heard, our encounters become more and more authentic and, in subtle ways, therapeutic. When that happens, we are able to move “beyond narcissistic self-absorption or fruitless recycling of self-referencing thoughts. We have a conversation with out own souls — one that might juts change our lives” (p. 122).
source: Palmer, P. J. (2004). A hidden wholeness: a journey towards an undivided life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. image: katesgarden.ca
Oh Peter
Its a relief to hear that it might be possible to do that, today. So entangled with one of my kids right now…. Is it harder with people youre close to, that stuff?
‘ no fixing, no saving, no setting each other straight’ – sounds like sweet relief.
I am trying to let go, but the trying too… letting go of hanging on is also hard work man!
thank you for dear being